How many _______’s does it take to change a lightbulb?

DP: One. No, two. Maybe three. How many do we have on the truck?
Director: I asked for a chandelier.
UPM: Does it have to be a lightbulb?
AC’s: Two to change the bulb and 1 to forget to fill out the camera report.
Grip: Two - one to change the bulb and one to talk about they did it on the last job.
Actors: None, my character wouldn’t do that
First A.D: One, it looks good, let’s shoot it!